Waiting is the Hardest (W.I.T.H Podcast 🎙)

Ep 1-The Accident

• Johnita and Lisa • Season 1 • Episode 1

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Johnita shares details about the accident retold through her journals. How can life change so drastically and completely, in the blink of an eye?

I looked over to my aunt and I saw her forehead up against the will of the. I thought she was dead five years ago. I almost lost my life and my leg. And I told myself that it will be time to tell my story when I could tell it without tears. So after five long years, I'm finally ready. Waiting has been the hardest part of this journey hit stop.

Now, if you're sensitive to mature subjects, because this story is. Real an unfiltered 

episode one, the accident I'm 

Lisa 

and I'm. Johnita welcome to waiting is the hardest. 

Are you ready, Johnita to share 

your story? I am. I'm I'm ready. Um, We talked about this a couple of weeks ago. And you asked how asked if I was ready and how I was feeling.

And I said, yep. I was ready. I'm a little more nervous today. But, but it's something that I feel like it's a story that needs to be told. So yes, I'm ready. Why now? Um, you know, people have been struggling a lot in the pandemic, right. And. As people have been struggling, it may mentally, right. And emotionally with the isolation and with, you know, just everything, not seeing loved ones and that sort of thing.

And, and as. Pandemic has been going on. It made me think like, wow, this is something that I've been struggling with. These are things that I was struggling with through my ordeal. And so I knew that I wanted to tell the story, but I could never get through talking about it without crying. And so, and so I told myself, you know, that once I could tell the story without crying, I would, because I feel like that there is a lot of, um, And hope and, um, resources and just, you know, information to share with folks to help them get through, um, traumatic ordeals and situations.

And, and so that's my Y. Okay. All 

right. And how did you document your journey? 

So I started journaling. My journey almost immediately. And it was a way to, it was a way to cope. I started journaling right away. And, um, and so, so yeah, I just, I just started documenting everything, all of my feelings, how I was feeling in that moment.

And, um, and I did it through the court for several years, actually, maybe two, maybe two years, I document it and journal my masters. Okay, so let's hear it. All right. So I'm going to talk about the accident first. Um, and this passage that I'm going to read is talking about what happened. Um, immediately after immediately, when we were hit by the car, this car is going to hit us.

They're going to. These are the nine words I heard before my life changed forever. Nine words that make a lifetime of difference. There are 171,476 words in the English language, but never would I ever believe that nine little words would have such an impact on my life. When my aunt merged into the single file of the left lane and we slowed to a stop.

She looked in the rear view mirror and saw an SUV coming down from the incline of the hill on the interstate and not stopping. When I heard her say the words I leaned forward in my seat to look out my side view mirror. My legs were already taken up most of the room in the front. And when I moved up to look out the mirror and see what she was talking about, my foot and ankle were up against the door.

Well, I heard her say to an immediate impact followed by a loud crack, like the crack of the grand slam. Next, our car started to roll. Everything felt like slow motion. I stayed conscious throughout it, all our car rolled so much that I kept thinking. I wonder when we're going to stop rolling. It seemed like we wrote forever.

When in fact it was three or four times when we finally stopped. Thankfully, our car landed right side up. I immediately knew something was wrong with my ankle, but I was more concerned about my daughter and my aunt. From the back. I heard my daughter crying. I asked her if she was okay. I looked over to my aunt and I saw her forehead up against the will of the car.

I thought she was dead. I looked down on the floor of the passenger side and saw the contents of my purse. Catching side of my cell phone. I leaned over towards the left, towards my aunt in order to grab the phone and passed it back to my daughter and asked her to call for help. I called my aunt's name over and over and over again.

And at the same time, tried to see what was going on with me. I couldn't tell exactly what it happened, but I knew it was bad. And I knew I was losing a lot of blood. I took my right leg and put it out the passenger side window, the window at broken, during impact. But I knew that elevating my leg was more important than the cuts.

I was sustained on the back of my lower leg from the broken glass. I also knew I needed a tourniquet. So I took my seatbelt and try wrapping it around my leg to stop the blood loss, the seatbelt wouldn't budge. And by this time I looked around for help and saw a man with an orange construction vest in the median.

I tried to yell for help, but he just stood and looked. He made no effort to approach the vehicle. I saw a lady in the distance on herself. Eventually I saw a man run around from the backside of our vehicle to assist us when he got to me and saw my leg, he stopped dead in his tracks. The shock on his face said it all, but he quickly snapped out of it and tried to look encouraging and reassuring.

I don't know who that guy was, but I always appreciated him for the Fain look of enthusiasm. He said he would get me some. I asked him if he could help tie the seatbelt around my leg, but he couldn't get the belt to budge either. And he said the ambulance should be there. Soon. I asked if he could find something to put under my leg as a barrier from the glass and directed him to a wool poncho in the trunk, as this was going on.

I heard my daughter in the background, on the phone with my husband. They hit us DP. That's what she calls my husband. They fucking hit us! Even though I couldn't see her. I heard the strength in her voice and felt reassured that she was going to be okay. Bringing my attention back to the activities in the front seat.

There was a lady on the driver's side, helping my aunt who had thankfully regained consciousness. What happened? Where are we going? She said, I explained to her what was going on and that help was on the. She was disoriented and confused. And I kept talking to her to keep her oriented and to take my mind off of what was going on on my side of the car.

By this time the ambulance arrives and they come over and introduce themselves and tell me the plan to get my leg out of the window. So the paramedics can transfer me to the waiting ambulance. This plan goes off without a hitch, and I'm rushed to the ambulance where they take stock of my situation. At this point, I'm not sure if I had foot or not.

And at this point, I'm also thinking that I'm on the  interstate. As the paramedics are assessing me, they tell me they're just waiting for the helicopter to come get me. I knew instantly they were referring to a survival flight. I'm not sure what's happened to my aunt and daughter at this time, but I've heard their voices in the car.

So I'm at. What a survival flight arrives. The paramedics tell me it's time to be transported. They take me out of the ambulance and the survival flight crew begins to take over. When I exited the ambulance on the stretcher, I was amazed at how beautiful it was outside. Everything seemed extra, bright and golden.

Everything I saw and smelled seemed extraordinarily. So the trees look breathtakingly green and there. The cleanest I've ever experienced. I was convinced I was about to die and I was okay with it. But before I died, I had to find out what was going to happen to my family. I asked the flight crew member about my aunt.

He pointed up to the sky and said, see that chopper up there. You're waiting for us to load you in. And then they'll come down and get her. Where are we going? I asked. We're flying you to the closest level one trauma center about an hour away. And my daughter, well, her injuries aren't life-sustaining so she'll be transported to a local hospital to be assessed.

I said, Linked to that crew member, sir, if you want me to keep fighting, my 17 year old daughter needs to come with me. You can't leave her at a hospital in an unknown state an hour from her mother. How will she get to be, who will be with her? He looked at me for a second and I like to think in that moment, I stared him down and looked intimidating, but I imagine it's pretty hard to intimidate someone.

When you have a mango dependence, he asked. How much my daughter weighed and said he would be right back as he walked off. My daughter came over, she handed me the phone and said, my oldest son wanted to talk to me. My first words to him were son. I love you. I wasn't sure how much time I had left and I needed to get to get the words out as soon as possible.

At the same time my son had just graduated from university and was living in Miami. He was preparing to attend the NBA G league tryouts in Las Vegas. And I wanted his mind to be clear. I told him I was being taken care of and that I was fine. His sister and aunt were fine. And to continue with this tryout plan,

how do you feel from reading that

strong? 

Okay. How long after the accident, did you write that initial passage? 

Um, it was a couple of weeks. It was a couple of weeks because, um, I was in the hospital in Virginia for a week, and then once I get home to the hospital, uh, and my home state. I was there for a bit of time. So it was a couple of weeks when I, after the accident, I wrote it.

And did you feel like you were going to die just based on the pain that you were in the uncertainty, the magnitude of the impact, what made you feel like I might die in this moment? 

It was just something in my gut. It was just something that. Said to me like, like you are, you are about to leave here. It was a feeling.

And, and again, because everything was just, it was just in, there was, there was no type of D two HD, four D three D you know, there was no type of crispness to. To demonstrate like how crisp and how fresh and how it was. I've never, ever, I've never experienced anything like that before or since. And it was just a feeling that I had that I was, I was getting ready to leave 

and I, I know you're a guy fearing women.

So do you feel like that was God's moment of trying to comfort you and prepare you for what was to come? 

Oh yeah. When you're about to die. You're at peace. I wasn't afraid I was, I was, I was completely, I was completely at peace. I was completely at peace. That's so interesting 

because you know, I've never been in that situation, but I think just knowing.

It's interesting. You hear you say a piece because part of me feels like, man, I be trying to reconcile all the should've could've needed to say, you know, one more thing and this and that and blah, blah, blah. But it seems like you didn't have 

that at all. No, no. I mean, like I said, I knew that, um, I wanted to know what was going to happen to my family, to, you know, let my son know.

That I loved him, but I was at peace. I was, I was fine. I, I was, I was fine. I wasn't afraid. Um, I wasn't afraid at all, 

going back to the people who first came on the scene, what happened to the person who actually hit you guys said he or she pulled over where they wanted the people that try to get help? W w where was that individual and all of this?

I don't know. I don't know. So they possibly could've hit you and kept going well, at that point I did at that point, I didn't know what happened to that guy. Right. So, um, yeah, I, I didn't know anything about him at first. I thought that he was the guy standing in the median with the construction vest on, and then I was after.

After I get more information, it was confirmed. It wasn't him. That must've been a worker because they were doing construction, uh, which was why we had, you know, merged over into the left-hand lane. So he must the guy in the media. It must've just been a worker, but I had no idea what had happened to that, man.

And during that impact in the rolling D was there ever a flash of your life that happened during that time 

or. No, no. That car started rolling and I kid you not. Man we've been rolling a long time. We still rolling. We've been rolling forever, but I wasn't, you know, I didn't that's the only thing I was thinking about was like,

that's the only thing I thought about. That was the only thing I was like, man, what's happening here. And when 

they finally got you out of the car, did you ever see the condition of the car of just how badly 

the car had been damaged when they got me out? Got you out? Nope, because you know what I found out, so, you know, I had that feeling, that piece, right.

That I was about to die. It was later confirmed that before they could save my limb, they had to save my life. You know, I lost this obscene amount of blood, you know, and, and, uh, it was just, it was just so traumatic. And so they had to stabilize me before they could think about, you know, what was going on with my limb and.

Um, so I did not know anything about the condition of the car. I didn't know anything about the person who hit me. All I knew was it was bad. And in the, I didn't even know that it I'm trying to think when I found out. Cause at first I thought I lost my phone. And when I was in the, when I was in the trauma room is so bad that I'm laughing about this, but, you know, I can laugh about it now, but when I was in the trauma room, um, I'm land down on the bed and I'm face down and, and they're pulling, they're pulling at my, at my leg and I hear, I hear the doctor say to the, to his colleague, Did they look in the grass?

Was there any thing on the side of the road? Like, you know, and so I'm like, oh, they're looking for my foot.

Like, oh, they're looking for my foot. Right. So, and he and I, and I'm feeling this pulling. And, uh, but what, but what he was doing, he was, so they were looking for muscles and muscle and tendon and yeah. That they were looking for that, that he wanted to know. Was there any of that, you know, that was captured because the, because of the.

The wound was so large, they were looking to salvage anything

and he was pulling because he was trying to bring down, he's trying to close the wound. He's trying to close the gap and not make it as big. The wound is gaping as it was, but yeah, at that time, like my foot. So, but to 

be clear and to be clear, you still had your foot, your foot was still attached. May everything above, it sounds like it was mangled and 

torn over.

Right. Right. But at that time, I did not know that I thought that, that my foot was gone and it wasn't, it wasn't until later that, you know, I figured out that I was told what happened, but at that point, and for a while I thought, I thought, you know, they were looking for my foot. 

Oh, man. I cannot imagine going through all of that and all of the uncertainty and you know that your aunt, not really having a clear understanding of what's going on with her and what's going to happen with you and where you are.

I mean, that is a lot 

to process. Yeah, it was, it was, it was a lot going on. Uh, Yeah, it w it was a lot, it was a lot going on. It was, it was, it was like a three ring circus, you know? Um, I'm, I'm in one trauma room. My aunt is in another trauma room. I still, you know, yes. I know my daughter was with me on the flight, but she's not in the trauma room with me.

So I don't know where she is, you know? And so all of these things are going on, but, but it was a godsend because. Because it allowed me not to focus on me. Right. I'm focused on, oh, I wonder where my daughter is right now. How is she doing? Is she okay? I wonder how my aunt is doing. Does she continue to keep maintain consciousness?

Does she fall back? Did she go back out of consciousness? You know, it was just, um, it gave me something else to focus on while they were trying to stabilize me and, and yeah. Get me together. Right, 

right. Yeah. Going back to earlier that day, was there any sign, did you have, you know, you talked about your gut and possibly, you know, thinking that you were going to die.

Was there anything about that day that said, man, this, this trip is just not meant to be, or it's been too challenging or something that would indicate. Something could happen something unexpected and unplanned. 

Yeah, no, that's a good question. So there were several signs that this trip was a miss and should have been aborted.

And we just kept going because I was determined to. I was determined to get to my destination, but looking back on it, uh, yes, there were several signs. First. My aunt's brand new car broke down on the way to the, to the, um, to North Carolina, um, to we, we had to get a rental car. And they were supposed to give us, my aunt had an SUV at the time and they were supposed to give us a comparable vehicle, but they didn't have any.

And so they put us in this little beer can model of a car. And, uh, and so it was just like a little teeny, tiny thing of a car, but we, you know, I'm like, we gotta, we gotta keep going. We gotta get to this destination. My daughter had to use the bathroom. Right before the accident happened, she had to use the bathroom and I'm like, just wait, Sophia, just wait a minute.

We'll be there in a second. Uh, and if we would've, you know, we would have stopped if we would have stopped, that would not, we, we would not have been in that situation. Um, there was, so those are three things off the jump. You know, made me looking back on. It made me know that, uh, that, that trip was just not meant to be, but hindsight is 2020, right?

Well, 

I guess on the flip side though, This happened for a reason. And you don't have to jump into that now, I think as you take us through this, your evolution and your healing, you know, you can answer that, uh, later, later on down the road, but you know, you talked about the obstacles, you were able to overcome each one of those obstacles.

Laying there at that time. And so, you know, I, I imagined through your healing, you were trying to figure out, well, what am I supposed to, I was supposed to, we were supposed to be there, but why, where does this going through this drama and tragedy take 

us. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, and we'll talk about that as the story unfolds, but I didn't have the.

We were meant to be their mentality. I was, I was quite the opposite. I was like resentful, you know, as time went on, I was very, very resentful that we were there at that time. And had we had, we paid attention to the signs. We would not have been there and my life would not have been up ended. And, you know, and so yeah, it, I didn't, I didn't.

I did not have that. Oh yeah. We were supposed to be there. I didn't have that. Did that ever 

come through your healing process? Do you still feel to this day? Like we we're not, we shouldn't have been there shouldn't happen. Trip should have been aborted. We should have rescheduled.

I don't know. I have to think about that. 

Okay. That's. 

That's fair. 

Okay. Now going back to the signs and you know, this intuition and gut, and you don't have to answer this in this moment either, but do you now listen more than you did before? 

Yes, I absolutely listen. Now I listen more now than I did before.

And in fact, Uh, that only do I listen to my gut, but when other people like share things with me and you given a side eye, 

it seems like there's some something underline near, but we'll leave that. We'll leave 

that. No, no, I'm just saying like, I'll just when other, you know, not only am I listening more, but I'm encouraging other people to listen more cases.

A friend of mine called once. And, uh, she and her family were traveling to Michigan. It was really bad out. Um, they were traveling from Ohio and she called and she's like, girl, like, you know, we have in car trouble. Um, and she was trying to come see. And she's like, girl, we haven't tried car trouble. I can't get to you.

Uh, but you know, I could do X, Y, and Z to make it happen so that I could get to you. And I'm like, oh no girl, girl, that's a sign. I know what those signs mean. You need to, you know, you need to like stop where you are, do not collect. Don't go pass, go, don't collect $200. You need to get a hotel, go on back home or whatever.

And I will catch you. Another day. Right? So, so yeah, I definitely, uh, listening more in tuned to signs and, and heating signs. Uh, and you know, some people might say that that's increased discernment, but I'm not, I can't even give it. I can't even give that credit to discernment. I, it really is because of the accident.

Um, That makes me just be like, okay. Nope. It ain't, it ain't meant to be. 

Right. Right. I mean, and the accident, it's now part of your story. Right. And has impacted your life. So for good or for bad, right. That's right. And so, you know, from that, you know, you gotta do what you gotta do. And if that means listening more to your intuition, then you know, that's what it's all about.

That's what we're supposed to be doing anyway. You know, we're so used to push, push, push, push, because there is a goal in mind, instead of sometimes, like you said, it's these things that happened that say abort, abort, abort. We like, nah, nah, 

but we can push that to the side. Sorry. Yeah. I mean a boarding discontinuing stopping, none of those words were in my vocabulary.

So. I'm not surprised. And I continued to push forward and to continue on that journey, but it's definitely not the case now. It's totally different. 

So going back to the hospital. Tell us more about how you started to learn, what is that was actually going on with you? When did they start to break down your injuries and some of the things they needed to do and the, just the not short period of time to get you started.

Oh mention the next episode. Okay. 

Sorry. Y'all 

that's an episode three. You come back

we give it all away at the beginning. 

At what point did you decide. You know, obviously you shared with us that you put together a journal, but that you were going to turn this into a podcast. 

Um, so I just recently actually I was talking to my. Uh, former boss, we were catching up. We hadn't seen each other or talk to each other in quite a while since before the pandemic actually.

And, um, and we were just, you know, catching up and talking about, you know, our lives and where we were, uh, where we are in the moment. And, um, And in that conversation, she said, oh, you know, you need to really share your story. And I said, yeah, I plan on it. I plan on sharing my story, but every time I try to talk about it, I start crying.

And so I have to, I have to wait until I get to the point where I could tell the story without crying. And then I'll know when that is time. So after we got off the phone, I, I, I started thinking about it and it had been. You know, it probably been a couple of years now, at least a year since I opened up the journal.

Cause I would, I would periodically I will open the journal. I would read it to just see where I was busting the tears. Right. Six months later, read the journal, busts into tears or, and then yeah. And, or get like really, really sad or whatever. And so I started reading the journal this time and now. Okay.

I'm reading, um, you know, I'm feeling okay. And then it was so interesting. Cause like my nose started burning, you know how, you know, you got to start. So I felt it come in, but I was stopped and I would take a deep breath and I'm like, Nope, you're okay. And I would keep reading and you know, and I read, I read a couple of, couple of chapters and I was like, after I stopped reading them, I think you're ready.

I think it's time. And then I went to bed and then I woke up. 2 38 in the morning with the idea that I needed to start a podcast. And that wasn't nothing, but God and God said to invite Lisa and

the rest is history, as they say, 

well, it's a powerful story. Yeah, and I'm honored to, to help you tell the story. And I'm sure that a lot of people will be touched and. Um, through whatever journey they're going through, what other obstacles they're kind of struggling with? 

Um, yeah, I do. I hope so. And, um, I, I know that I'm not the only person who has gone through something.

Um, I know that there are other people out there who are facing situations and they feel like they just. Do it any more? They can't take one more step. And I know what that feels like, and I'm hoping that through retail, in the story that, um, that I could provide hope and courage to another. And, um, and this is simple as that.

Absolutely. And, you 

know, Because I know we're going to reach millions of people. I'm going to just put it out there. I'm a claiming those people who came to your aid in that moment, they have come across this podcast. What do you want them to know? 

Oh boy. Um, I want to tell them, thank you. And, um, and to let them know that I'm, I'm okay.

You know, I'm, I'm thriving and, um, yeah. And then, um, and then I'm okay, but that I am sincerely and truly grateful for, for their, for their eight next 

time on waiting this the hardest, 

you know, in your recovery, you have to focus on. It's okay to mourn the loss of whatever it is that you have lost or going through.

But it's just as important to start to appreciate the other things that you bring to the table. Tell us what you thought of the episode. Follow us on Twitter at waiting hardest or Instagram. At waiting is the hardest or Facebook waiting is the hardest you can also email us@waitingisthehardestatgmail.com.

Share this story of waiting and share your story of waiting. We want to hear from you. The views expressed in this podcast are my own and should not be substituted for those of a trained medical professional.

People on this episode

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Johnita

Host
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Lisa

Host